Psychology reveals why some people struggle to relax even on vacation

The suitcase is barely zipped, the out-of-office reply is on, and the plane ticket sits in your inbox, a golden invitation. Everyone tells you to “disconnect and rest.” You nod, smile, and snap a selfie at the airport. On paper, everything is perfect. But your mind didn’t get the memo.

You’re already calculating the emails that will pile up, wondering if the kids will fight on day three, or if the money spent on this trip will “be worth it.” While lying on the sunbed, you find yourself scrolling through work chats, “just to check.” The sea is right there, but your mind is still in the office.

Something inside refuses to let go.

Why Some Brains Never Truly Go on Vacation

There are those who need 48 hours to relax, and others who manage it in 10 minutes with a book and a hammock. Then, there’s a third group—people who simply never land. Their suitcase is unpacked, their swimsuit is on, their feet are in the sand, but mentally, they’re still in a Monday morning meeting.

Psychologists are seeing this more and more: a kind of “mental jet lag” that doesn’t match the destination. The body may slow down, the schedule may empty, yet the nervous system keeps pushing forward. The result? A peculiar frustration. You’ve waited all year for this break, but your mind refuses to relax.

Take Sarah, 37, a marketing manager who booked a week in Greece with her partner. The hotel was beautiful, the water clear, and the breakfast spread straight out of Instagram. But by the second day, while everyone else napped by the pool, Sarah was fighting with Wi-Fi to open her work email “just in case.”

By day four, she was waking up at 6 a.m., heart racing, thinking about a presentation she’d already delivered. At dinner, she was physically present, but mentally, her questions were all about September targets. She returned home with beautiful photos and the strange feeling that she needed… another vacation. The official break had ended, but mentally, she had never really left.

Psychological Insight: Why It’s Hard to Let Go

Psychology explains this phenomenon simply: the brain struggles with abrupt changes in rhythm. People who live in constant alert mode don’t have an “off” button; their nervous system is trained for survival, not rest.

Chronic stress raises anxiety levels, so when the environment suddenly becomes calm, the brain doesn’t interpret it as “time to relax,” but rather as “what danger have I missed?” This is why some people feel more restless on a sunbed than in a meeting room. Their internal alarm system has become their comfort zone, and stepping out of it—even on a beach—feels risky.

How to Ease Your Brain Into Relaxation

One effective strategy psychologists recommend is a “decompression runway” before the vacation. Instead of going from 200 km/h to zero overnight, it’s about slowing down gradually over the course of three to four days. Fewer evening emails, shorter to-do lists, and one or two micro-breaks during the day. You’re not solving your stress in a week; you’re just preparing your nervous system not to panic when life becomes quieter.

It can be as simple as walking home without headphones or leaving work 30 minutes earlier. Over a few days, your brain gets the message: “We’re allowed to soften the edges.” By the time you reach the airport, you’re not slamming on the brakes; you’re already gliding.

Rehab from Productivity: Your First 24 Hours

Another method is to plan your first 24 hours of vacation as if they were a “rehab from productivity.” No packed schedules, no ambitious “see it all” trips. Just the basics: sleep, a slow breakfast, a long shower, and a short walk—intentionally leaving your phone behind in the room.

Many of us make the mistake of swapping work pressure for holiday pressure. We want the “perfect” vacation, packed with experiences and memories. This is how some people end up more tired at the end of their trip than at the beginning. The reality is, your nervous system needs boredom, low stakes, and moments where nothing happens. Without this, the brain doesn’t fully shift into vacation mode.

Psychologist Marian Rojas Estapé explains, “Your brain cannot live permanently in the future or in threat. If you don’t give it real pauses, it will create them for you in the form of exhaustion, irritability, or physical symptoms.”

Building a Vacation Anchor Kit

To help with the transition, many therapists suggest creating a small “anchor kit” for vacations—simple rituals that signal safety to your brain:

• A sensory cue: a specific playlist or sunscreen scent that signals rest time.
• A body ritual: taking five deep breaths before getting out of bed or stretching for three minutes on the balcony.
• A mental boundary: deleting work apps temporarily or limiting yourself to one brief check-in every three days.
• A kindness rule: no self-criticism about “wasted time” or “not enough activities.” Rest isn’t a performance.

These small signals aren’t magic, but they are a language your nervous system can finally understand.

Letting Go of Guilt: The Hidden Layer

There’s an additional layer to this difficulty in relaxing: guilt. Many people who can’t unwind on holiday not only feel stressed but feel they must justify their right to rest. They grew up with the idea that being busy equals being valuable, and that doing nothing is suspicious. So, when the schedule clears, that inner voice asks: “Are you sure you’re allowed?”

This internal judge doesn’t take vacations. It comments on your naps, your reading time, the hours spent by the pool: “You could be more productive,” “You’re wasting this day,” “Others would kill for this trip, and you’re doing nothing.” Relaxation doesn’t stand a chance against this kind of internal dialogue. The work, at its core, is not just about slowing down. It’s about changing who you think you’re allowed to be when you’re not hustling.