As resolutions lose momentum and group chats fill with late New Year replies, a small shift in language could deeply change how we support the people we care about. Psychologists caution that a phrase many of us use automatically—especially during emotional or tense moments—may actually cause more harm than comfort.
The sentence experts say we should leave behind in 2026
French psychoanalyst Christian Richomme highlights a sentence that sounds caring, feels polite, and yet often lands the wrong way:
“Je comprends ce que tu ressens” — in English, “I understand how you feel.”
At first glance, it seems reassuring. The intention is kind. Most people say it instinctively, without much thought.
According to Richomme, the problem lies in what the sentence claims. No one can truly access another person’s inner emotional world. Even when experiences appear similar, each individual brings a unique history, sensitivity, trauma, and emotional framework.
This mismatch between what is said and what can genuinely be known is where irritation can quietly grow. The listener may stay silent, yet internally think: “No, you don’t. You weren’t there. You’re not me.”
What feels like empathy to the speaker can be received as oversimplification, emotional appropriation, or minimisation.
Why “I understand how you feel” often backfires
While it may seem harmless, emotional communication relies heavily on nuance. This single sentence can carry several unintended signals.
It can subtly shift attention back to you
When someone is overwhelmed or hurting, they want room for their own story. Saying “I understand how you feel” can quietly reposition you as the reference point, turning their experience into a version of something you already know.
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For the person speaking, this can feel like an emotional shortcut—as if their entire inner experience has been understood instantly.
It can unintentionally shrink their experience
Even when two people go through similar events—such as grief, burnout, or heartbreak—the emotional weight is never identical. Timing, personal history, unresolved wounds, and current support systems all shape how an event is felt.
Claiming full understanding can make the other person feel their uniqueness is being flattened. In some cases, it may come across as downplaying their pain, suggesting it is already known and therefore less significant.
It reinforces the urge to “fix” emotions quickly
Modern communication values speed: quick replies, fast reassurance, immediate solutions. Emotional conversations are often treated like problems that need rapid closure.
However, emotions are not tasks to be checked off. They require acknowledgment, not acceleration.
The phrase “I understand how you feel” fits neatly into this rush, implying the situation has already been grasped and is ready for resolution—even if the person has not finished expressing themselves.
What people usually need instead
Richomme emphasises a simple but powerful distinction: most people do not need to be fully understood—they need to be heard.
Being heard means being given time. It means emotions are taken seriously and not merged with someone else’s experience. It also means the listener does not claim access to feelings that are not theirs.
True validation comes less from saying “I get it” and more from demonstrating presence, attention, and openness.
Phrases that tend to land better in 2026
When a friend is heartbroken, a colleague admits burnout, or a sibling shares something heavy, therapists suggest alternatives that respect emotional boundaries.
- “I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you.”
- “Thank you for telling me how you feel.”
- “I’m listening.”
- “Do you want to talk more, or would you prefer some quiet company?”
- “What do you need from me right now?”
Each of these responses acknowledges difficulty, respects trust, and lets the other person guide the conversation—without pretending to fully understand their inner world.
How this subtle change reshapes relationships
Language habits influence emotional safety. When people repeatedly hear phrases that feel hollow, they may begin to share less, edit their feelings, or stay silent altogether.
Replacing automatic expressions with more honest language can create meaningful shifts:
- Instead of: “I understand how you feel.” Try: “I hear you, and I’m here with you.”
- Instead of: “I’ve been through the same thing.” Try: “My experience was different, but I’m listening.”
- Instead of: “You’ll get over it.” Try: “Take the time you need—this sounds really hard.”
The deeper message is clear: we cannot fully access another person’s emotional reality, and we do not need to. Support is about standing beside someone without claiming ownership of their feelings.
From viral trends to serious communication shifts
This change is not limited to therapy rooms. Online spaces have also begun pushing back against overused emotional language.
In 2025, phrases like “It’s OK!” and recycled therapy terms flooded social media. By 2026, many people express fatigue with language that sounds caring but feels empty.
On TikTok, creator Megan Villiot has openly listed phrases she hopes to never hear again. Her criticism reflects a broader discomfort with expressions that appear supportive yet lack sincerity.
“I understand how you feel” increasingly falls into this category—once warm, now often perceived as formulaic.
Everyday situations: what to say instead
When a friend is grieving
Old habit: “I understand how you feel, I lost my grandad too.”
Better alternatives:
- “I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
- “I can’t know exactly how you feel, but I’m here for you.”
- “Would it help if I brought dinner or stayed with you for a while?”
This approach keeps the focus on their loss while offering genuine support.
When a colleague feels burnt out
Old habit: “I understand how you feel, this job is exhausting.”
Better alternatives:
- “That sounds incredibly draining.”
- “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
- “Is there anything we can adjust to make things feel lighter?”
Rather than merging experiences, this response recognises their state and opens space for change.
Why honest presence beats emotional shortcuts
There is quiet strength in saying: “I don’t fully understand what you’re feeling, but I want to be here with you.”
This honesty may feel less polished, but it builds deeper trust. Real support often sounds imperfect—it pauses, searches for the right words, and chooses sincerity over smoothness.
For anyone aiming to communicate better in 2026, noticing automatic phrases is a powerful starting point. The goal is not perfect wording, but alignment between what is said and what is truly offered: attention, presence, and respect for another person’s unique inner life.
Psychology says people who feel exhausted “for no reason” often share this overlooked mental pattern
Letting go of “I understand how you feel” does not mean letting go of empathy. It means practising a form of empathy that listens without claiming, and that simple shift can transform the emotional tone of an entire relationship.
